I work tirelessly with students on improving their storytelling skills and getting them to think creatively. But I worry that the cruel world that online journalism can be, and I say “can” — meaning it’s all about hit counts and quantity over quality — will eat them up.

Yes, I mentioned this to them toward the end of the term. Warning them to be careful of this numbers-game, and to think about quality first and foremost. Maybe I’ve been drinking too much ivory-tower Kool-Aid thinking of this perfect world that’s out there. I’m not too far removed from newsrooms to know that feeling of numbers, numbers, numbers. It sucks.

I feel like I want to shield the next generation of journalism students from what is wrong with the news industry today (Lindsay Lohan in jail is the top news story tonight and no. 3 on Google Trends).

It will come down to the great mentors and talent who surround the next generation of journalists to lead by example. Hey, if any quality-over-quantity journalists are out there reading this, please show them the way.

I realized that I’ve spent most of my adulthood wanting to make a difference in the industry. Wanting to change what sucks about journalism — the lack of training; the too-many-bosses, not enough journalists who actually do the work; the carelessness, sometimes, of what is put in the paper or up on a Web site; the bottom-line thinking — what will sell ads or papers. And well, I am one person who is so low on the totem pole that my voice is barely audible, except for those close to me. I speak up, I’m labeled. I don’t speak, few, if anyone, will. And so I’m left feeling defeated — all the time. I don’t know my role any more in a newsroom. Maybe it’s because I care too much. But caring doesn’t get you anywhere — only longer hours at work and a paycheck.

I’m at a cross roads in my life. I need to figure out where can I really make a difference — is it research and consulting? teaching? a manager or editor in a newsroom? Ask me on any given day and my answer is different. Perhaps I need to stop caring so much about my career and journalism, and start being passionate about what really is most important: people.

The news has me a little freaked out. I watch so much of it — online, local news, network — and that’s daily; along with the city paper on the weekends — that I fear something terrible is going to happen to me.

I worry that I’m going to get mugged or attacked or get in this terrible accident any day now. I have these horrible thoughts. It’s starting to freak me out a bit. So much so that I am paranoid to run in the evenings (even when it’s light out), I’m always looking over my shoulder. And I live in a very safe neighborhood. I recently wrote a will, too. Crazy huh?

I studied this in graduate school. It’s called cultivation theory. It’s this idea that television, or in my case the news, increases our fears about the world. I see negative news constantly and I start to worry about my own safety. I thought I would be immune to this, considering I work in the newsroom in which the news is on all day at my desk. But I guess I’m not. I am human.

It’s strange seeing something you study happen to you. The thing is, in school we learned about cultivation theory but not how to get stop it from happening. I can’t stop watching the news, it’s a part of my job to know what’s happening. But damn, if I’m not affected by it. And I have no idea how to shake this.

The job is good. I’m getting to travel on assignments and shoot stills and some video. It’s exactly what I wanted to do; dive into multimedia. I’m finding with this work, you get out of it what you put into it. So I’m trying to pitch more multimedia story ideas and projects, which means taking on work on top of my work. I do really like being a backpack journalist out in the field; I wish I could do this as a full-time job.

I’m happy building interactives, mainly because of the content and research, and working with writers. But interactives are highly templated and customized interactives have been put on hold temporarily. I’ve been targeted as the person who requests too many customized interactives by my colleagues — and I do — but that’s the designer in me. I know something can be better, I even sketch out my ideas to sell them, but a bigger project in the future has put a stop to my lets-try-this-now requests. Blah.

So this got me thinking about people at their jobs, in any field. Some people see their job as just that, a job. Others see it as a step to something greater. Others are waiting to see if something better comes along, but they are not really actively looking either. Others want to just do good work every day (I like to think this is where I am). But then there’s those few who are just trying to do good work, but in doing so they inspire others in the process. And they don’t even know they are doing so. They think about their craft and find ways to take it to another level. They are innovative and have an attitude of, why not? They inspire me to stay excited about what I do as a journalist. (I can picture these colleagues/managers in my head; in my present newsroom and previous ones I worked in).

This person has my dream job. Not a person with a big lofty title. Not a person who says thought-provoking things but does not put them to practice. Not so much a mentor. But someone who inspires by doing good work and, unknowingly, challenges others to do the same. I guess you could ask, what joy would you then get out of not knowing you inspire others at your job? For me — when I get there, and I say when because it’s my long-term goal to have this job — I would see that changed attitude and work ethic around me and it would just feel like heaven. Truly.

Anyhow. I have no real video shooting professional experience. I come from a print background. So I’m putting these packages together based how it feels together, and I unknowingly model a lot of it from what I see on TV. Strong opening shot with nat sound, b-roll, sots, beautiful closing shot, etc. I am learning by modeling after what I see. But what if I stick to this habit of storytelling? Where it’s predictable news writing. As some journalists who go through this training might. Then we rehash the same type of video storytelling over and over.

While modeling is good for learning, breaking the mold should be emphasized in training. And it isn’t. This goes for teaching journalists how to write feature stories, breaking news, and photographers too. It doesn’t matter the medium. Just the emphasis on taking a different perspective. Doing something out of the ordinary. Or letting the story unfold naturally, and then writing it in that order (not inverted pyramid style).

These are questions I ponder as I learn final cut better. Something educators have the power to change when teaching storytelling.

When I read these newspaper job cut stories, I feel like I’m in this room and the roof and walls are caving in on me. Like this outer force of some kind (the Internet maybe?) is crushing me into a tiny little box room. I feel crushed.

Here we are journalists, wanting to do good, wanting to help people by informing them, but that’s not good enough. We know a paper medium — in its current format and way of thinking — is not the way of the future. It’s old. It’s outdated. It’s yesterday’s news. But nothing changes, which I think makes me more frustrated than anything right now in journalism.

Some people might ask me, “But you are in dot.com land now, why do you care what happens to newspapers?”

I got into journalism to tell and present news stories, not to work at newspapers specifically. So I do care.

I recognize the strengths that newspapers have over any other medium — detailed and thorough investigative reporting and covering the crap out of local news. They have a purpose. Only newspapers aren’t doing right now what they do so well. So here I sit, crushed.

But why should I have to pay, you ask?

First, everybody pays into it, who wants training. Everyone in the newsroom or your department chips into it. It would be tax-free income AND it would encourage you to apply for these workshops because you’re paying into it. For those who don’t want to go to training sessions or workshops, they can opt out of it. But the company or school won’t pay for their training expenses — since they’re not in this training fund program. Now there would be limits of course on how many training sessions you can go to in a year, and a cost limit, etc. But it’s having us — working journalists and professors — making training happen.

I think the biggest key to this economy mess are the people — us — figuring out ways to spend less but still invest, while not sacrificing learning new skills. This would be my tiny part of the bailout package.

I am so saddened by this news. It just keeps happening. I feel so sad for those journalists, as well as the community of readers who religiously got their news from that paper. The economy is not helping this situation, only quickening the closing of those papers that are barely surviving.

I’m still waiting for this to happen in a city without a competitor newspaper. I simply can’t imagine a city (say Austin) without a print alternative to the news, and I don’t mean an entertainment tab. It’s just not fathomable.

Newspapers are at their final push. Why not experiment and be bold? What do they have to lose? Screw the “we got to make deadline” attitude. There’s no other time for change than now. It really is do (something different), or die.

I'm the yellow apartment at top left (stretches to the patio at top right).

Cute huh? So come visit. You have your own room. It even snowed a week ago.

View from my patio.

So here is the perfect opportunity for me to turn to a news medium — any news media — to learn about this city. I’m new. Know very little about this big city, and my first inkling is to Google whatever I need to know. Top 10 places to eat “amazing” pizza? I Google it. Best places to buy tires? Google. What about reviews of hair salons? Google.

What if newspapers, or TV news, or online sites put out these quick Top 10 features — maybe a different one each day on the same spot or time, and they were archived. Something to clip out. Something to bookmark. Maybe even something editors, writers and designers blew out big on section fronts. (That’s right, no story). Something the community voted on. Not an A-list, but something people look for every day — and pass around.

And it was advertising-free. (Gasp.)

And then, here’s the kicker, the news media promoted the hell out of it. What if the news media found these tiny ways to help people live their daily life (like Top 10 polls)? What if?

I’m new to a city and Google has won me over. It’s faster and search-friendly. Wake up news media. It’s not all about informing any more. It’s about helping people live their daily lives — in the tiniest of ways. That means me turning to you, not a search engine, to learn about my community. Yes, it’s all about keywords and search engines pointing to sites. I agree. But it’s also about making me want to turn to certain news media because I know they will help me.

I'm having to adjust from working part time at the paper to 40-50 hour weeks, which has been rough for me. All I do is work it seems. I didn't realize how much free time I had as a graduate student (time to actually do research). Katherine and I laugh at how we both are asleep by 11 p.m. It's sad. But I'm up at 7 a.m. each day. Blah. ]

OK. Enough boring talk.

The journalism job. I love it. Every day I’m learning something new. One day I’m out on assignment shooting video and stills for a crime feature and another day I’m handed a video tape, audio and tons of photographs and I’m asked to produce an interactive — over two days. Plus, I’m in all these brainstorming meetings on rethinking how news is presented.

So I’ve come to the realization that the best job is one in which you’re always learning about the craft. Maybe that’s what is missing in some newsrooms: The learning, among other things. You know that feeling you get after you go to a journalism-related conference, or take a software workshop? Afterward, you feel so inspired and just plain good. When a job becomes too “automatic” or “robotic” that ho-humness comes out in the product, and the morale of the newsroom.

If managers aren’t going to pay for that additional training any more, it’s left to the journalists to find ways to learn (teaching on the side, informal classes, nearby regional conferences, software workshops taught by each other, retreats with colleagues) and do it, not just say you “want” to do it.

The point here — find a way to keep learning at your job. It’s good for you, it’s good for journalism.

Added: I just read that one state has realized how important learning is for journalists.